Trey's Comedy Blog

Sadly, it sounds like Mitch Hurwitz has decided not to return to Arrested Development if the show is put back on the air.  This almost kills the show's chances of getting picked up, and, even if it does, it probably won't be as good without him.  Read more here.
-via aspecialthing.com

In other news, youths in France are striking and rioting in response to a new law that would allow employers to fire workers under 26 for any reason in their first two years at a job.  Here are some quotes and commentary from msnbc.com.

"'We’re demanding the complete withdrawal of the CPE. You can’t treat people like slaves,” said Gregoire de Oliviera, a 21-year-old student protesting in Paris."

This Gregoire must be confused about what a slave is.  Firing someone  isn't treating them like a slave.  Even if i owned a slave and fired him, at that moment I wouldn't be treating him like a slave.  Also, slaves don;t get fired - they get freed or sold.

"Isolated skirmishes hit marches in provincial cities and Paris, where police fired paintballs to mark troublemakers and 245 people were arrested."

Crafty idea, although it sucks for those who were innocently playing paintball in the streets before being overrun by violent riots.

Finally, and more than surprisingly....
"A water cannon was later used to quell protesters throwing missiles."

I'm not sure what to say here.  Should I be more shocked that protesters were THROWING MISSILES, or that the French thought the best response to MISSILES was water.  I'm also confused how French students would have gotten their hands on so many throwing missiles.
And now the innocent paintballers are accused of launching missiles at police.  Sucks to be them.
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Larry summers at his new job, a department store salesman


Angry Customer: You swore the bag was hand made!

Larry Summers: I was referring to the invisible hand of the free market
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OK, I've been really bad about posting, so I just made this promise to myself.  I will write a new post everyday for at least a week, then I'll go from there.  As a matter of shameless self-promotion, if you have friends who have given up on the blog for its infrequent posts, please tell them to come back.  So here we go...

The state motto of New hampshire is "Live Free or Die."  This seems a little extreme.  The consequences could be disastrous...

Magic Show

Magician: And now, ladies and gentlemen, I have trapped myself in this straight jacket.

Off-duty police officer: I’m sorry, sir, please remove that jacket, or I’m going to have to kill you.

Magician: Well, I’ll just say the magic word, Abra Cadabra, and….  and….

Officer: No Exceptions.  It’s the law of the land: Live free or Die.

Magician:  Oh God, It’s not working.

Officer: (Taking out gun) This’ll hurt me more than it will hurt you.

Magician: Please, I have a family.

Officer: God Bless New Hampshire.

 

Governor’s Office

Governor’s Advisor: Sir, people are complaining that we only have capital punishment.

Governor: Why that’s a bold-faced lie.  Judges give out jail sentences all the time.

Advisor: True, but as soon as people are sentenced, I’m forced to kill them.

Governor: Serves them right.  Our fore fathers didn’t risk their lives and families so we could twiddle our thumbs in prison.  Have these prisoners no patriotism?

Advisor:  Sir, is that a finger-trap between your hands?

Governor:  I…I…just…couldn’t help myself.

Advisor: (Crying and pulling out gun) How could you, sir?

 

Italian Restaurant

Boyfriend:  What is it you want from me?!

Girlfriend:  I don’t know.  I feel like I’m in this abyss, and I can’t escape.

Officer listening in:  Take it from me, don’t complicate things.  Just let him know how you feel.

Girlfriend:  Alright, I feel…trapped.

Waiter: (Taking out steak knife) Not in my state.

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Please make comments on my page.

Pretty Please.
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I''ve been lazy.  Here's a little historical tidbit I've dug up.

Historians maintain that “God” is sometimes written out “G-d” because the authors thought it was blasphemous to write out God’s full name.  These historians are wrong.

God:  And now I will make the world.

G-d:  Who the Hell are you?

God:  Why, I’m God.  I’m about to create the world.  And what is this “Hell” you speak of?

G-d:  It’s part of the world I’m creating.  It’s where I’m sending all of the unicorns and leprechauns after they die. 

God:  Great idea.  I’m using it. 

G-d:  Come on.  I was here first!

God:  That’s funny, I didn’t see you here.

G-d:  That’s because no one’s created light yet.

God:  Light!  Brilliant!  It’s going in my world.

G-d:  Stop it!  I’m creating the world. 

God:  Alright, let’s compromise.  You can help me make the world.  And I’ll even save you a place in Hell where you can dance with the unicorns and slide down rainbows with the leprechauns.

G-d:  That sounds pretty good.

God:  Yes that’s my promise to you:  Unicorns, leprechauns – both real.  Hell – sweet place to hang out.

G-d:  But why should I trust you?

God:  Trust me?  I created trust. 

G-d:  I dunno, I feel like I’m missing something.

God: You are - A vowel.  But vowels will be entirely unimportant in my world. 

G-d:  I can live with that.

God: The only catch is…you will have to do my laundry once a week.

G-d: Jesus Christ!

God: Oh, I’m definitely using that one.

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Can't wait for Harrison Ford's new movie Firewall to come out?
Just, plan your own Heist.

unreal.
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You can't trust anything.  You are being tricked all the time.  I'm not talking about the FBI or even Satan, I'm talking about dinosaurs.  "But dinosaurs don't exist, you say?  I'm sorry, I can't hear you.  A dinosaur must have stolen your voice box.

Anyway, you may be wondering why you haven't seen any dinosaurs.  Well, they're pretty crafty.  They got really good at hiding ever since they had to hide from that asteroid.  For instance, stegosaurs dress up as stegosaur skeletons and sleep in museums.  The brontosaurs paint themselves green and pretend to be famous Revolutionary War hills.  The tyranosaurs are thr trickiest of all - they hide behind skinny trees.  Trees so skinny that no one would ever suspect a dinosaur would try to hide behind them.

No one is outside the sights of these mischievous creatures.  Misplace your phone?  Some dinosaur is probably drunk dialing all the girls in your phonebook.  Someone stole your car?  It was probably my thieving cousin Jake.  But he was forced into a life of crime after the dinosaurs tricked his parents into getting divorced.  I think you get my point.  These guys are so good they could trick a necrophiliac into quitting his job at the morgue.

All the great mysteries can be attributed to dinosaurs.  Who shot JFK?  No one.  An invisible dinosaur bit his head off.  Why has no one found the lost continent of Atlantis?  A giant dinosaur is sitting on it.

So don't be fooled the next time you drive drunk and slam your car into a tree.  Ask yourself, "who put that tree there?"  It was probably a lumberjack.
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This just in...

According to Summers' spokesperson John Longbrake, the confusion over Summers' fate began last week when the president tripped over his powercord and knocked the hyphen key off his IBM Thinkpad. 
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I have some insider information, and I want to clear up the confusion. 

Despite open-list accounts, Harvard President Larry Summers is not "resigning," he's "re-signing."  He added another five years to his contract with Harvard. 

According to his spokesperson, John Longbrake, Summers was tired of the faculty's continued attacks and considered going elsewhere: "Yeah, we were sick of Judith Ryan's bullshit, so Larry started thinking of going to free agency.  Stanford put a rather attractive offer on the table, and Palo Alto is great.  The fans there are so enthusiastic and smart - they really understand academic leadership.  In the end, though, we just couldn't pass up the seven year, $32.4M deal Harvard dropped on us." 

According to Summers' financial records, the contract extension also gives him trademark rights to the phrase "Someone who loves me went to Harvard," in addition to his own locker at the MAC.
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Attention:

I have decided to tag all of my posts with the phrase, "Angelina Jolie's bare breasts."

Thank you
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